Billiterates Blog Lesson 13 1/14/2018 – 1/20/2018

Dr. June Bug Diddums here and I done read another book! Keep readin’ to find out how many Flushes it earned. Don’t forget to memorize the flush system and use for anything you read!

FIVE FLUSHES!        Gonna hear knocking, cause you lost track a time!

FO’ FLUSHES!          Easy flow means at least 3 chapters read!

THREE FLUSHES!    Constipation allows 10 to 15 pages of decent readin’!

TWO FLUSHES!        Got the runs while stuck on public transportation in traffic!

ONE FLUSH!             Let loose in a public toilet, only to find there’s no toilet paper!

I tried the graphic novel Watson and Holmes. Written by Karl Bollers. Created by Brandon Perlow and Paul Mendoza.

Plot:    Meet Jon Watson, a Afghanistan veteran, and Sherlock Holmes, a Harlem P.I., that’s right I wrote Harlem! Mr. Bollers transported Mr. Doyle’s dynamic duo to Harlem.

You’ll be entertained as they search for a kidnapped girl, avoid gangsters, and try to solve a tricky conspiracy. Loved it!

FIVE FLUSHES!

Characters:    Some of the favorites are there. Mrs. Hudson, the Irregulars, and Lieutenant Stroud remade as a female. The criminals even stand out. Very creative!

FIVE FLUSHES!

Overall:          Watson and Holmes is an excellent read, especially if you love Sherlock Holmes. The artwork brings the story to life and it’s the perfect answer to a lonely day!

FIVE FLUSHES!

Billiterates Blog Lesson 12 1/7/2018 – 1/13/2018

The Old Alma Mater

 

Two to four years to learn what could be mastered in three months!

Undergrad, Associates, BS, Master, PHD, or dunce!

Income, not intellect, required for the diploma!

Then you graduate, job hunt, and no job knows ya!

Interest on your loans accrue, despite the fond memories!

Of hallway odors, a mixture of puke, funk, weed, and poverty!

Now give me a B, an A, a N, a K, and a R, U, P, and T!

Serious possibility, if you don’t pay for your receipt!

Billiterates Blog Lesson 11 12/31/2017 – 1/6/2018

Happe Nu Yeah!

 

Refuse my new diet, after just three days!

Exercise in bed, and discipline what I pay!

Suppress all guilt left over, from the excess holidays!

Order around as many people possible, til I gets my way!

Lose three pounds one week, gain five the next!

Ugly people get back, you’re hurting my drive for sex!

Try the stairs until, my knees and back disagree!

Ignore dem old ladies, walking quickly past me!

Organize my excuses, til they’re good reasons to friends!

Naughty for the next twelve months, til it’s time to do it all over again!

Billiterates Blog Lesson 10 12/24/2017 – 12/30/17

A Christmas List!

 

Santa baby, I have some wishes under the tree!

Angels’ help with the track and lottery!

Neuter Trump’s mouth for sanity!

Travel without profiling police!

All bill collectors forget to phone me!

Clothes, cars, and tax free money!

Liquor stores have a B.O.G.O. week!

All the food and dessert I can eat!

Undisturbed time for me and wifey!

Santa baby, take care of those wishes for me!

Billiterates Blog Lesson 9 12/17/2017 – 12/23/17

Why is that ‘time of the month’ so dangerous to men? Because the first recorded ‘time of the month’ occurred during an earthquake, tornado, hurricane, monsoon, tsunami, meteor shower, and T-rex attack. But yet it was the one thing every man remembered!

Now you understand why men vamoose, scram, and vacate the premises during those seven days.

Billiterates Blog Lesson 8 12/10/2017 – 12/16/17

I, Dr. June Bug Diddums, being of heavy-ish body and anti-gravitated mind, will pose three questions for my fellow Billiterates to ponder. Nothology at its finest! Enjoy!

Question 1

Have you ever been fluent in a foreign language while drunk?

Question 2

Politics.

Foreign policy.

War.

Now ask yourself, does crime pay?

Question 3

Laymen say nine months for babies. Doctors say inducement after 40 weeks.

Is it nine months or ten? Hmm.

Billiterates Blog Lesson 7 12/3/2017 – 12/9/2017

Dr. June Bug Diddums here and believe it or not, I read another book! Keep readin’ to find out how many Flushes it earned. And remember to memorize and use for your library!

FIVE FLUSHES!        Gonna hear knocking, cause you lost track a time!

FO’ FLUSHES!          Easy flow means at least 3 chapters read!

THREE FLUSHES!    Constipation allows 10 to 15 pages of decent readin’!

TWO FLUSHES!        Equal to having the runs while on public transportation stuck in traffic!

ONE FLUSH!             Like using a public bathroom and then realizing there’s no toilet paper!

The book this week was The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison.

The plot gets:  FOUR FLUSHES!

The struggle of young black girl trying to fit into a white world and wishing she too had blue eyes. The concept was original and pertinent, entertaining and the story flowed well!

The characters gets:     FIVE FLUSHES!

The folks were real! I know I said that last week and I’m a say it again! After all it is my review!

Overall:           FOUR FLUSHES!

The book was totally enjoyable! If ya got a lazy day, get yo’ read on! Good stories always last and there’s a reason this one has: it’s damn good!

Billiterates Blog Lesson 6 11/26/2017 – 12/2/2017

Dr. June Bug Diddums here and for those of you wonderin’, I’m from ‘Mericus, Jawga. I went back and saw my folks for Gobble Day, and read a book while on the toilet. Since most folks read while losing pounds, I developed a Flush system. Memorize and learn for your own use:

FIVE FLUSHES!        Gonna hear knocking, cause you lost track a time!

FO’ FLUSHES!          Easy flow means at least 3 chapters read!

THREE FLUSHES!    Constipation allows 10 to 15 pages of decent readin’!

TWO FLUSHES!        Equal to having the runs while on public transportation stuck in traffic!

ONE FLUSH!             Like using a public bathroom and then realizing there’s no toilet paper!

The book was Andersonville by Macklinlay Kantor.

The plot gets:  ONE FLUSH!

Why? It was all over the place! I wanted to learn more about the civil war prison Andersonville, down in my home town ‘Mericus. What I learnt was the goings on of damned near e’rybody living near the prison! I was pissed cause I already heard most of the stories!

Don’t call a book Andersonville and write over 700 huned pages, but only talk about Andersonville fo’ only two fifty to three huned max!

The characters gets:     FIVE FLUSHES!

I gotta give credit where due. The folks were real! Kinda reminded me of my kin (actually, some a them were my kin). The people jumped off the pages!

Overall:           TWO FLUSHES!

The title was wrong! Shoulda called it; Civil War Folk and their Goings’ on. I also got one more complaint. The book won the Pulitzer, but Macklinlay doesn’t use quotations. How you posed to know when folks is talking?

I don’ like having to reread to figure out when narrating stops and talking starts. And I still gotta read somethin’ else to find out bout Andersonville the prison. That sucks!

Billiterates Blog Lesson 5 11/19/2017 – 11/25/2017

Dr. June Bug Diddums here, and I’m preparing for Gobble Day! For this holiday week lesson, let’s look at the history behind the family tradition of food fights! Once again, we must look at politics!

The first meeting of the Brontosaurian and Boarausaurian parties took place shortly after their formation. As was the custom of the day, a huge feast was prepared by each party. Despite their dietary changes, there were many dishes still eaten by both sides.

One popular dish was the forefather of the quiche. Isis normally prepared the succulent dish but was under the weather. Stufi offered to help his beautiful wife and followed her instructions to the letter. That is, until it came to adding the spices.

Stu didn’t know his father, Zuri, kept his own private stash of Kahn Ibis smokes hidden amongst the spices. Because of this, Zuri’s stash was accidently added, bringing extra flavor to more than just the quiche.

Of course Ayana would be a major figure in the Brontosaurian party. She never forgave him for marrying her daughter, and despised him for introducing bacon to the families.

Stu played gracious host for the Boarausaurians, and was handing out blackberry pie for dessert. Always trying to impress, Stu brought Ayana the first slice. Unfortunately he tripped and the pie smashed into Ayana’s face.

Possibly it was the Kahn Ibis effect, or just her hatred of her son-in-law, but Ayana grabbed a slice and mushed Stu. Isis came to her man’s defense and threw some pie at her mom. Ayana ducked and an unsuspecting onlooker received a face full.

Needless to say, the room erupted with flying food. So the next time Congress convenes and you have to duck Aunt Buelah’s fruit cake, remember Stu Piede’s contribution!

Billiterates Blog Lesson 4 11/12/2017 – 11/18/2017

Dr. June Bug Diddums here and this week we’ll talk politics! It’s time you learn the REAL history behind the Republican and Democratic parties!

Many historians attribute the birth of modern politics, and the two party system, to the ancient Greeks. Not true! The actual facts are related to the discovery of bacon. We once again find Stufi Piede tending to his Boarausauraus pen.

These early Boars, as they were called, were corralled for their fur. The carcasses were fed to their pet dogs. One day a nearby volcano erupted and a spurt of lava fell on a carcass. Over 90% of the carcass was burnt to a crisp, but what remained was a deep burgundy.

Stu’s nose was alerted first, and after a brief investigation, he was soon chewing the aromatic meat. This led to a disagreement among the families. Those who wanted to adopt the eating of meat formed the Boarausaurian party, and soon began collecting herds of Boarausauraus.

The Brontosaurian party continued to eat fruits, vegetables, and berries. So the next time you head for the polls, thank Stu Piede for his discovery of bacon!